My first attempt at accountability failed because I engaged in gaslighting and a violation of privacy in order to discount the fact that I made a mistake. It reeked of excuse-making instead of remorse. I’m sorry for that.
The second version lacked those elements but my mistakes were poorly framed as one recent issue when that is not the case, nor did I believe that to be the case.
I genuinely want to do better, so I want to try again. This time I want to explicitly name the actions I feel responsible for and the issues I have had these past years and what I’m doing to try to avoid them in the future.
Recently, I took advantage of a situation I should not have. When someone is drinking, regardless of how they seem or what they say, the responsible thing to do is to not have sex with them. I did not do the responsible thing and I’m sorry.
When you’re in an abusive relationship and needs are not being met, the responsible thing to do would be to take a break. It would be to move out and get some much needed space before things gets worse. I didn’t and I’m sorry. I took advantage of this person multiple times before I got help and I’m sorry for that too.
When multiple people tell you online that you make them feel uncomfortable the responsible thing would be to stop the thing in question, e.g “compliments”. Instead, I blamed other people for not being direct enough (when they often were doing just that) and made “accountability” statements online that, at times, were not even pretending to be anything but purely defensive and I’m sorry.
I’m willing to elaborate on any of these issues as needed.
If there’s something more I can do within the framework of transformative, restorative, or other forms of justice, I’m interested in listening.
Concretely speaking: I’m going to avoid sexual relationships that have anything to do with alcohol, develop and maintain solid boundaries about I want in a relationship and cease most online flirting with the exception of partners, people who are flirting with me or people I have an established history with.
More abstractly: I’m going to continue to reflect on the harm I’ve caused, speak openly and honestly to my pod, talk to my new therapist and think about how I can do better and be better with regards to communication and accountability itself.
I’m sorry to those I’ve harmed.